I guess sadness have different level of transparency, the most opaque one makes you think of suicidal thoughts, i dont know until what figures it will stretch to make you actually do the thing that you think could fix everything- taking yourself completely out of the pictures. but then you see your mother crying at your funeral and it breaks your heart to let her cry and you wasnt there anymore to comfort her, that it's not her fault and that you love her so much please dont cry.
the less opaque makes you feel numb, i dont know if this is better than the sadness that make you cry, but i have this simple theory; the acute one makes you cry and the chronic makes you feel numb.
The lower intensity makes you do things, anything that will distract yourself from thinking of your thing that makes you sad, like watching sad movies so that you'll realised there's more sadder things than what you're going through. I love been in this state, it's a perfect state to be in.
But we all cannot control our sadness. i'm just hoping that if ever, my funeral comes before my mother's, i dont want her to cry because of me, taking my own life.