Im the road not taken

it feels like dreaming,  it was both nightmare and sweet dream.

it feels like someone just drag me out of my daydream when im not ready to face reality, and yes, someone just did and im glad he did; a friend of mine and yours too. he made me understand that all of this times, I'm just too blind to see that you're not into me.
at first i was in denial, so i said to him;  ''you've never been in my shoes,  you never  knew how he treats me; if it's true that he doesnt love me, why he acted like we were in a relationship? and he texted me once, after the breakup, that he missed me. what does it means?'' 
he knows you longer than me, years versus months. he knows you inside out, and all the dirty secrets and the skeletons you hid in the closet. he knows you so well.   so well, to tell you was serious with me or not.

my heart sank deeper and deeper hearing his alibis. it was all too obvious but i was blind. but that's not entirely my faults, why do you ha…


After all those times we spent together,  i mean nothing to you.

i was so stupid to keep hoping that you will love me back one day, you never will.

I miss you

Я скучаю по тебе , но ты мне не нужен.


So, tell me, when did reading my blog become the habit of yours?

Transparent thought

Currently im reading this novel, it is a 500 pages novel, and im reading it painfully slow. It has been 3 days since i started and i can barely make it to one fifth of the book.

I am a slow reader to begin with because i need to imagine every sentence into a small scene in my head, but the writer make it harder for me to create this scene, because  the writing is sort of ambiguous, ugh im sure there is better adjective but I couldn't think of anything better than ambiguous , and lot of times, i need to recreate the previous scene so it will transition smoothly to the next scene, i bet u didnt get it dont you, because im a bad storyteller just like the writer of this novel, i cant help myself getting angry reading the novel but in the same time thinking about the same abnoxious feeling people get just to have to communicate with me.

Actually ive been told few times that im bad at communicating, one of my friend said I explaining stuff as if my thoughts are not transparent. I am un…


This afternoon, after classes and lectures, i sat down for some what i called de-stressing time, watching random viral videos and what the internet had to offer, and then, i came across this video, i cant remember the visuals, because the audio distractions is too loud, or  you can solely blame on my disability to remember short term memory. i mean i need to be really focused to remember anything and lately im having hard time focusing on stuff. idk why, age may be the disposing factor, but i'm still too young to support the theory. anyway that is not what i want to write about int this post. i want to write about the soundtrack of the video that i watched. if i have to describe it, it was a pretty boring, common soundtrack featured in many happy ads. but why did i want to write about it anyways, because, have you ever had that moment in your life that you feel like, for some brief moments, you were in movie, yea, thats what i felt, i felt like for a second, i was in a movie and …


I read the sentence, for the 5th times, it was a simple sentence but non of it get into my brain. My brain was busy - destroying me, i tried to distract myself from thinking stuff i dont want to; things that made me sad, but my brain decided to keep the disturbing memories on repeat. So, when i read the simple sentence, it sounds as foreign as all that i saw and heard is the memories i don't want to remember. The memories; is not as awful as you would think, but i am weak, even little things can get me good.

I know the posts in this blog  sounds melancholic, but i always get a little bit creative when im sad, so i guess that explains everything.